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A game in which one endevors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
Woodrow Wilson

A game in which a ball one and a half inches in diameter is placed on a ball 8000 miles in diameter. The object is to hit the small ball but not the larger.
John Cunningham

is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain

is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

is ninety percent inspiration and ten percent perspiration.
Johnny Miller

A day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

Golf Ball:
A small object that remains on the tee while a perspiring citizen fans it vigorously with a large club.

Handicapped golfer:
the man playing his boss.

Local rule at the Nyanza Golf Club:
If a ball comes to rest on dangerous proximity to a hippopotamus or crocodile, another ball may be dropped at a safe distance, no nearer the hole, without penalty.

Golf and sex
are about the only things you can enjoy without beeing good at it.
Jimmy Demaret

The hardest shot
is a mashie at ninety yards from the green, where the ball has to to be played against an oak tree, bounces back into a sandstrap, hits a stone, bonces on the green and then rolls in the cup. That shot is so difficult I have only made it once.
Zeppo Marx

The latest statistical survey
of golfers height, condocted on behalf of a major sportswear company, revels that the average player is seldom as tall as his stories

At first
a golfer excuses a dismal performance by claiming bad lies. With experience, he covers up with better ones.
P. Brown

It's good sportsmanship
to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain

The truly great things
happen when a genious is alone. This is true especially among golfers.
J. R. Coulson


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