GOLF JOKES
- Golf:
- A game in which one endevors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
- Woodrow Wilson
- Golf:
- A game in which a ball one and a half inches in diameter is placed on a ball 8000 miles in diameter. The object is to hit the small ball but not the larger.
- John Cunningham
- Golf
- is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
- Golf
- is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
- Golf
- is ninety percent inspiration and ten percent perspiration.
- Johnny Miller
- Golf:
- A day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
- Golf Ball:
- A small object that remains on the tee while a perspiring citizen fans it vigorously with a large club.
- Handicapped golfer:
- the man playing his boss.
- Local rule at the Nyanza Golf Club:
- If a ball comes to rest on dangerous proximity to a hippopotamus or crocodile, another ball may be dropped at a safe distance, no nearer the hole, without penalty.
- Golf and sex
- are about the only things you can enjoy without beeing good at it.
- Jimmy Demaret
- The hardest shot
- is a mashie at ninety yards from the green, where the ball has to to be played against an oak tree, bounces back into a sandstrap, hits a stone, bonces on the green and then rolls in the cup. That shot is so difficult I have only made it once.
- Zeppo Marx
- The latest statistical survey
- of golfers height, condocted on behalf of a major sportswear company, revels that the average player is seldom as tall as his stories
- At first
- a golfer excuses a dismal performance by claiming bad lies. With experience, he covers up with better ones.
- P. Brown
- It's good sportsmanship
- to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
- Mark Twain
- The truly great things
- happen when a genious is alone. This is true especially among golfers.
- J. R. Coulson
